Funny Thing: Metro Pain

I am starting a new category for blog postings of humorous stories. These entries will feature a sort of "funny thing happened to me" set of anecdotes. Since Valentine's Day is coming, I am reminded of something woefully and hideously horrible--yet hilarious--that happened not to me but to a friend of mine on the Metro.

I have this pal who was once a bit of a predator. He roared through college and his 30s with a harem of accomplished lookers. Even as a grey-haired middle-aged man he used his looks and atheleticism to hunt a few demos below himself on the age pyramid. He has settled down these days, but he was quite the ladykiller when I met him. In fact, he did not actually date anyone over 30 until, in his 50s, his then-girlfriend turned 30 on him. Eventually they broke up around Valentine's Day and, truth be told, he was devastated. For months he was blue. Poor fellow couldn't even summon the simple enthusiasm to hit on production assistants. Then, one day after time had applied its healing balm, he found himself, in a new suit and fresh off a flattering haircut, standing in a Metro car hanging from the center pole and feeling, for the first time in recent memory, pretty fit and perhaps ready to get back in the saddle. Scoping absently on his fellow passengers he spied a young beauty who caught his eye and gave him a big smile. Not to appear too eager, he averted his gaze, made a pretense of checking his watch, and counted to 10 before looking over again. She once more deliberately caught his eye and smiled broadly. "May/December be damned," he thought. "Quickly, man, say something smashingly clever." Too late. She took the initiative, scooting forward on her chair and giving him a beckoning finger. She smiled again. He leaned closer. Tension built. She spoke: "Sir, would you like to have my seat?"

PS - Hey, man, I've been living in a glass condo so I am throwing no stones. But, daymn, when he told me the story I fell out of my chair laughing. Plus, points for self-deprecation. Oh, and Johnny Clegg's "Scatterlings of Africa" is one of my favorite songs; now playing on iTunes.