How Snow Falls

It's happened: I feel that I know you well enough to foist a poem on you. Woe to you. That's what you get for reading the blog. (Really, I'll try not to do it too often.)

I still look forward to snow during the Christmas season. Four years ago a crisp winter storm blanketed Your Nation's Capital in fluffy goodness and--joyously pelted by the stuff--I snuck indoors briefly to write about it.

How Snow Falls

The snow has a crush on everyone,
Embracing all as it falls with unique appreciation.
It holds hands with each leaf of the evergreen tree
And hugs the whole wide-armed ground, equally.
The lamppost, upright and dutiful chap,
It tops with a proud watch cap.
Snow wraps up each of its beloved,
Road and home, with powdered love.
And me, head over heels with snow,
It kisses on the mouth, and cheeks, and nose
With its darting, sharp affection.

PS - I hope it snows again soon! I was just on a business trip to Portland, OR and it started snowing like mad. My cabbie was from Wisconsin and made his derision for his adoptive city's snow-savvy abundantly clear. Oh, and "Little Red Light" by Fountains of Wayne is guh-guh-great; now playing on iTunes.

5-4-Fri: Home Range

Animals need room to move; a “home range” if you will. The elephant, for instance, roams across 266 square kilometers on average. The gorilla needs 35 square kilometers to stroll around. You’d think that homo sapiens sapiens, with our cars and airplanes and longboards and whatnot would have huge homeranges and that, moreover, we’d be found in a wide variety unpredictable locations given all the choices in our lives regarding destinations. You’d be wrong.

A 2008 study shows that the average person can be found most often in one of very few highly repetitive, predictable locales. (Thanks to my Sister-in-Law for referring me to the NYT article!) That’s right there, Steady Eddie, you are leading a plain, vanilla, statistically predictable life. Admit it. Embrace it. I have.

I do go to new and varied places but, to be frank, outside of my apartment I spend a woefully, disturbingly large amount of time in 5 spots. Here’s the honest list of my homebases in no particular order:

1. National Geographic Society - Not more than 10 miles from my apartment, I spend faaaar too much of my time here. From Monday-Friday, and some of Saturday, I am certain to be found here while there is daylight.

2. YMCA - One block from Nat Geo, the massive, multi-story downtown YMCA is home to my twice-weekly “workouts,” by which I mean lifting embarrassingly light amounts of weight in very small arcs over and over--fitness results yet to be certifiably clear.

3. The Guitar Shop / Band Practice - Again twice a week, like clockwork, I can be spotted at this combo of locations--The Guitar Shop for lessons on Mondays and band practice on Tuesdays at an undisclosed location nearby.

4. Whole Foods - Closer to home, I heed the siren call of this overpriced grocery store weekly (hey, a fellah has to get his chicken nuggets somewhere). Who dresses up to shop? These people, apparently. Still, great cheese selection.

5. South Austin Grill - Despite its downhill slide as a corporate franchise, I am at SAG every Sunday night for dinner. My father made a spaghetti dinner on Sunday nights without fail and I got used to the idea. These days it’s enchalatas and margaritas rather than maranara and red wine, but the concept holds.

Wanna try for yourself? Please post your list of 5 places.

PS - Even back when I was doing a lot of distance running, I had three preferred 4-6 mile loops around Old Town that could be combined or extended for marathon training. I guess that only annual beach trips and visits to NYC disturb the tight plotting of my Brownian movement. Oh, and I am predictably listening to "Bittersweet" by Big Head Todd and the Monsters; now playing on iTunes.

Do It: Watch "White Christmas"

This has become a family tradition: watching a truly clever cartoon version of "White Christmas."

Such the holiday magic.

So, watch "White Christmas." Do it.

PS - I think this was originally an animated greeting card; woefully, no longer available. Oh, and "The Shining" by Badly Drawn Boy gives you faith; now playing on iTunes.

What is Going On? (Style Manual)

I, perhaps somewhat finically, provide a full citation for "Excellent Quote" entries based on MLA style. Looks like this:

Author Last Name, First Name. Title. City (State): Publisher, Date of Publication. Page number(s).

There you go. You're welcome.

PS - Thanks to the English faculty at the University of North Carolina for introducing me to the MLA Style Manual. I have a woefully unreasonable fondness for that guide. Oh, and "Sligo Creek" by former National Geographic staffer Al Petteway is stylish; now playing on iTunes.

Do It: See "Doubt"

As I have hinted before, Meryl Streep sometimes seems to me to draw too much attention to her acting even as she gives a fine performance. Well, she has landed a perfect role in the film adaptation of the Pulitzer Prize-winning play, "Doubt." She plays an uptight, mannered school maarm of a nun who uses her iron rod discipline and belief in the power of day-to-day order to keep a simmering crisis of faith at bay. Streep is impeccably supported--and it IS her movie--by the always-excellent Philip Seymour Hoffman (who is perhaps woefully thwarted from being the greatest actor of his generation by being so obviously, strikingly, instantly, persistently recognizable) and by Amy Adams, who deserves another Oscar nod for her performance.

In fact, the whole damn thing is perfect. The new-to-me Viola Davis gives Adams a run for her money and the rest of the cast argues that Ellen Chenoweth--whose casting talent brought you 2007's "No Country for Old Men" and "Michael Clayton"--is seriously, seriously underpaid. And it never hurts to film a play. There is something about the distillation of mood and the strong narrative structure necessary to undergird a successful play that makes for a stylized but powerful movie. Think "Spanish Prisoner" or "American Beauty" -- both theatery films either by design or directorial sensibility.

Anyway, do yourself a favor: get over whatever is keeping you from the meg-o-plex-i-con this season and see "Doubt." Do it.

PS - Ellen Chenoweth worked on "O Brother, Where Art Thou," "Ruthless People" and "Diner." Seriously. Underpaid. Oh, and "I Bow Down and Pray to Every Woman I See" by Chuck Prophet leaves no doubt; now playing on iTunes.

Excellent Quotes: Into the Blue

British mystery writer, Robert Goddard has the full support of American horror guru, Steven King, whose Top Ten lists in Entertainment Weekly magazine never fail to provide good fodder for yours truly. As per usual, I have been loving my Uncle Stevie's recommendation. After two books, I'd say that Goddard--no relation to the father of modern rocketry--appears to focus on middle-aged, amateur detectives whose sojourns in the dark side of life to solve inventive mysteries reconnect them to a lost sense of purpose and help them come to grips with aging. The stories see them reinventing a sense of personal relevance that does not rely on youthful vitality or the wide-open promise of their salad days.

Not surprisingly, these protagonists tend to start out on page one woefully adrift and self-pitying. Goddard has found a way to put the point perfectly. In the offices of a psychiatrist, Harry, the sad-sack hero of Into the Blue squints through a haze of casual alcoholism and diffuse lust for a missing woman many years his junior:

"In what way did you like her?"

How to answer? Harry stared up at the ceiling and followed with his eye the pattern of the covering.

"We just hit it off together," he replied lamely. "Allowing for the generation gap, we found we had a surprising amount in common. Both of us are misfits, really, aren't we?"

"Are you?"

"Oh, yes. Coming home's taught me that. I've no family apart from my mother, no job, no money, no property, no prospects. As far as I can see, England doesn't welcome a prodigal son like me."

"That sounds rather like self-pity."

"It is, I suppose. But when nobody else feels sorry for you, you tend to feel sorry for yourself, don't you?"

-Goddard, Robert. Into the Blue. New York (NY): Delta, 2006. Pp. 211-12.

PS - I LOVE it when I find a new author who has a whole cannon I had been previously unaware of. This is the same effect as finding out that you can obsessively watch, say, Season One of "Lost" on DVD in a week and that there are still 5 more seasons to come. (Not that I am hoping to get any gifts in particular for Christmas.) Oh, and Jimmy Lafave's "Hideaway Girl" is wonderful; now playing on iTunes (Thanks to Anne for the KGSR hookup).

5-4-Fri: Poetry-related Stuff

Poetry is the goodness. This Friday, you are treated to five kinds of cool poetry-related content. Alors:

1 - The Poet Laureate. Best. Job. Ever. Annual honorific position with few responsibilities and TONS of street cred in nerdy English circles. My fave living poet is the current, but woefully unraimented, Laureate.

2 - Poet's House. My pal Alison gave me a membership here for my birthday one year and, even though it is far away in NYC, I have kept it up ever since. Congratulations to Lee Briccetti--a poet herself--for making this library cum movement such a success.

3 - Top 500 Poems. Wild Bill Harmon of "No I Won't Sanction Your Dopey Thesis Idea" fame edited this groovy compendium. Waaaay to go, Bill.

4 - Best American Poetry. Series editor David Lehman works with a new editor each year to provide a great guide to the best in American poems. An affordable way to keep up with the happenings.

5 - Norton Anthology. An oldie but a goodie. Impossibly thin vellum paper. Jillions of poems. Used to be two massive volumes. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Buy it/them (or dig them out of the old college boxes).

PS - Want to hear the "raiment" joke? Download the audio file of Kae Ryan's November 1, 2008 reading at the Library of Congress. Oh, and "Please Read the Letter" by Alison Krauss and Robert Plant is also the goodness; now playing on iTunes.

Travis McGee Lives!

A pal who watches Readerville closely just sent me the following, hilarious posting by "tpc" to the site's Bibliolounge forum:

"One of my resolutions for 2009 is to start a new blog -—yeah, yeah, starting a blog is so 2004. I’ve started two of them and got bored with myself after a month both times.

My problem of course is that me and my thoughts, on their own, aren’t interesting enough for anyone to bookmark. so, I needed a sure-fire hook to get people to bookmark and visit.

So, the name of my blog will be 'Sex Scenes from the Life of Travis McGee.'

Each day, I will post an excerpt from a John D. MacDonald Travis McGee book—just one of the sex scenes. These scenes are, to my mind, the most inadvertantly funny pieces of writing in American literature. MacDonald never quite escaped his post-WWII carefulness and prudity in writing sex scenes, but he still went into great detail about what was happening. But his scenes generally never mentioned any part of the human body, so you were never quite sure if McGee and his partner were having sex or discussing possible ways to diagram a sentence.

Having set the scene with the McGee excerpt, then I can post anything I want in my blog."

Daymn, that's funny!

PS - Woefully, I had to join Readerville just to access the quote. Another login to remember. Sigh. Oh, and "Sticky Chemical" by Bobby Bare, Jr. just kills me; now playing on iTunes.

5-4-Fri: Children's Books

This 5-4-Fri is about children's books--as the title promises--but with a twist. See if you can ferret out the twist. Yessir, its a brain twizzler. Haaard to figure out. Yup. Yup. Tres difficle. And Clever. Oh, yeah. (Well, YOU try coming up with 5 things of any interest at all each week.)

1 - Uncurious George. Hah! Mockery. Speaks for itself.

2 - Goodnight Bush. This book is so durn good that a friend of mine has an 11-year-old who just decided that he is going to give it to his father for Christmas.

3 - Uncle Shelby's ABZ Book. Secretly one of the most subversive books ever. Get it. Now. Seriously, log off. Why are you still here? Go get it.

4 -My Father's Dragon - Ostensibly a children's book. Really a morality tale.

5- If Everybody Did - One of my favorite social critiques masquerading as a children's book. Woefully, I cannot find any really good links other than the perfunctory Amazon promo. Go to a used book store and check it out.

PS - Everyone's first environmental primer ought to be McGillot's Pool. In fact, Dr. Seuss should properly be in the adult non-fiction section. Oh, and "Second Chance" by Liam Finn is worthy of his parent; now playing on iTunes.

Do It: Watch "Death Star Canteen" Lego Movie

Many moons ago I played this woeful game where a girl chased after me and I cluelessly ignored her; then, just when she completely lost interest, I fawningly chased after her for, like, a year. Anyhoo, she had this fondness for cross-dressing British comedian, Eddie Izzard.

The man is beeg genius. And some fellow genius has made a lego movie out of his "Death Star Canteen" sketch. I have booted this thing up about 20 times. Haw! Never grows old.

Watch the lego version of Eddie's routine on YouTube. Do it.

PS - My game is patented and now available to play at home--from Parker Brothers. Oh, and "Shine" by Collective Soul is rockin'; now playing on iTunes.

Do It: Watch Blue Crush

New feature time. Every once and a while, I’ll recommend something to you that you really ought to do to make your life more enjoyable. These recommendations may be fairly commonsensical and obvious (pay off your debt, root for the Tar Heels) or they may be counterintuitive, as with the inaugural “Do It.”

Here goes: Watch Blue Crush. You remember, the cheesy Kate Bosworth vehicle about grrl power surfing. NOT a good film. But, oddly, a must-watch.

Kate is huh-huh-huh-hot. Not so strong with the acting. And I think it spent about one whole weekend in just 42 theaters before proceeding directly to video and not collecting $200. But that is exactly the point. Now you can watch it in the comfort of your own home on some kind of Blue RayBan XL-DVD-HD-MMVII disk and soak in what I think is the crispest ocean footage I have ever seen.

Plus, the story has bone structure almost as good as Kate’s. The film was inspired by a Susan Orlean article in the New Yorker. (Orlean--who was “having a moment”--also inspired the Charlie Kaufman flick, Adaptation starring perennial “watch me act” Oscar bait, Meryl Streep in a good, loose role.)

I recommend watching the film itself pretty much as warm up for the DVD extras (and for Kate, who was hacht!). On the “dude, sweet” side, the footage is gorgeous and the actors fight to be as beautiful as the scenery. On the “woefully gnarly” side, the dialogue descends to the level of Nike ads. But then you can put in Disk 2 and watch the making of.

Watch Blue Crush. Do It.

PS - I have never really surfed (does snapping a fin count?) and--with a center of gravity about 3 inches above the top of my head--I do not intend to learn. But I am in love with body surfing and, as dumb as it sounds, the feeling inside my head riding a wave 3 feet off the deck is the same one visually depicted in surf films when the board tilts over a cerulean 10 footer. Oh, and “Sun is Shining” by Finley Quaye is radical, bro; now playing on iTunes.

5-4-Fri: Fridays

You knew this was going to happen eventually. The time has come to force 5-4-Fri to be meta. (Isn't EVERYTHING better when it's meta?) That's right, people, this week we are featuring five famous "Fridays" in the Five For Friday feature. Without further ado:

1. Friday, The Man - Robinson Crusoe was the star of the original, often imitated-never duplicated, East Coast, old skool version of "24." Except that he was trapped on an island off Venezuela for twenty-four years not some measly 24 hours (take that, Jack Bauer). Until one fateful Friday in the 24th year, he was utterly alone except for a goat, a dog and his talking parrot, "Poll." Then one day a Native American captive beset by cannibals showed up on his island. Ole Rob rescued him and, showing the same panache with which he named his bird, Crusoe christened his new companion, "Friday." Have you read it? Read it.

2. T.G.I.Fridays - Admit it. You have eaten here. You might not have liked it. You might not have enjoyed its stupendously slow service. You might not have been waited on by anyone as cute as Jennifer Aniston. But you have eaten here. Hey, in the end, Obama is right. We are not blue states. We are not red states. We are bound together as Americans by having eaten at T.G.I.Fridays.

3. Friday, The Day - Thank God It's Venus' Day. TGIV, baby. The Sixth Day, maybe. I like how Merriam-Webster just assumes that you are going to think of Sunday as the first day of the week. Sucky convention; I personally think of Sunday as the end of the week but it's Friday I think of when I say I'm working for the weekend. (No, of course not. Naturally, I'd never actually say that--that's cruel.)

4. Science Friday - That Ira Flatow! Do you listen to "Talk Of The Nation: Science Friday?" Maaaaybe not as much fun as sipping a Dark and Stormy, but fun, fun, fun. (Waoh, 404! Internal blog reference. Link to past 5-4-Fri entry. I told you we were getin' all kinds of kooky.)

5. Friday, The Genetically Engineered Girl - Let's hear it for hot "Artifical Persons!" Friday is the babelicious and eponymous star of the 1982 Robert Heinlein novel. Woefully, not his best work. But who knew when I purchased it? Sometimes I do judge a book by its cover; sue me.

PS - Kids are kind of like Robinson Crusoe. Think about it. They have marvelous adventures--much more fun than adulthood. They are basically trapped until they are about 24 years into the thing. And, no matter how inventive they are, they tend to name things literally--"Lion" the stuffed lion, "Friday" the guy you saved on Friday. Oh, and "Lips Like Sugar" by Echo and the Bunnymen is so '80s but still so good; now playing on iTunes.

Excellent Quotes: Ben Franklin on the Turkey

Benjamin Franklin was a talented dude and a prolific letter writer. In 1784 he was "pres Paris" in a hotel in the village of Passy--now a swank Right Bank Paris neighborhood--when he wrote a now-famous letter to his daughter Sarah in which he extolled the virtues of the Turkey relative to America's new national bird, the Bald Eagle:

"For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen as the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly. You may have seen him perch'd on some dead Tree near the River, where, too lazy to fish for himself, he watches the Labour of the Fishing Hawk; and when that diligent Bird has at length taken a Fish, and is bearing it to his Nest for the Support of his Mate and young Ones, the Bald Eagle pursues him and takes it from him. With all this Injustice, he is never in good Case but like those among Men who live by Sharping and Robbing he is generally poor and often very lousy. Besides he is a rank Coward: The little King Bird not bigger than a Sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the District....For in Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America. Eagles have been found in all Countries, but the Turkey was peculiar to ours, the first of the Species seen in Europe being brought to France by the Jesuits from Canada, and serv'd up at the Wedding Table of Charles the ninth. He is besides, tho' a little vain and silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on."-- Franklin, Benjamin. Unpublished correspondence, Jan 26 with Sarah Bache. Passy (France): 1784.

PS - Can you imagine basting the Bald Eagle while putting the finishing touches on the apple pie? On the same day he wrote his letter to Sarah, Franklin received correspondence from John Paul Jones--one note accepting his dinner invitation for the next Friday and the other addressing an article from America criticizing the Order of the Cincinnati, which had among other things recently made fancy-schmancy "Ribbands and Crosses" featuring a Bald Eagle that resembled a Turkey; a request for assistance from Hedoin de Pous-Ludon; and, as far as my woefully miserable French can discern, a letter of introduction for a colleague from Longchamps. Oh, and "Nothing Ever Happens" by The Blake Babies is worthy of your consideration; now playing on iTunes.

5-4-Fri: Thanksgiving Food

Didja have a gosh-darn great Bird-Day? Oh, we did, youbetcha. (Palin translator: "There are 5 stupendiously great foodstuffs that, woefully, you only generally get at Thanksgiving.")

1. Apple Pie - Holy cow, I love me some apple pie. The secret is McIntosh apples. Be-lee-dat!

2. Turkey - I am a dark meat man. Scoff if you like. I will cordially acknowledge that de gustibus non est disputandum and promptly eat your thighs (hmm, that sounded wrong).

3. Black Olives - If you wish to be welcome in my home (and you do) you'll agree that black olives are (a) essential Thanksgiving fare, (b) scrumptious, (c) to be saved for me to eat.

4. Stuffing - It is simple, really. Get Pepperidge Farm stuffing mix in a bag. Add currents, celery, and melted butter. Put into the bird. Do NOT not put the stuffing in the bird. Don't be stupid.

5. Fruit Cup - Daunting. Hard to make. Labor intensive. Delicious. Don't forget the walnuts. Feel free to top with orange sherbert.

PS - Cranberry Sauce alllmost made the list. You can have the "log" (heh) or the homemade (like my Sister-in-law's, yum). Or both. Oh, and "Perfect Circle" by REM is something to be thankful for; now playing on iTunes.

Watch This!

Wired magazine is very interesting. It keeps you up-to-date with trends in technology. I get it periodically (pun intended) at the bookstore when I am ready to be overwhelmed by how woefully far behind the future I am. I learn a lot. It is a commendable and educational magazine.

It does not, however, at first appear to be a source of insanely hilarious videos. Until you find out from your brother about their "Top 10 Amazing Biology Videos" feature on the Wired Science blog.

Go there now. Scroll down to the seventh video, "El Corazón," which is dramatically under-described as "an unusual music video about the heart, in Spanish, with English subtitles."

Watch the whole video. No, its gets better. Keep watching. Wait for it. Wait for it. Oh, yes!, the inevitable reference to the femenina rock super-group, Heart. THAT is solid educational video making.

PS - Wired's Gadget Lab blog is also pretty cool. Oh, and The Cars is an undervalued band. You will never like "My Best Friend's Girl" as much as I do; now playing on iTunes.

Excellent Quotes: Star Wars

Brace yourself. Woefully, there is some slight chance that I am a bit of a nerd. This year, I gave my oldest nephew a copy of the first Star Wars film (now annoyingly referred to as Episode IV: A New Hope) because on my 11th birthday my parents took me to see it in its first theater release. I will not bore you with the extent to which it blew my mind or the subsequent envy of my little brothers or with stories about how my more obsessive friends saw it in the theater more than 10 times. What I will do is share an excellent quote:

EXT TATOOINE - MOS ISLEY - STREET

The speeder is stopped on a crowded street by several combat-hardened stormtroopers who look over the two robots. A Trooper questions Luke.

TROOPER: How long have you had these droids?

LUKE: About three or four seasons.

BEN: They're for sale if you want them.

TROOPER: Let me see your identification.

Luke becomes very nervous as he fumbles to find his ID while Ben speaks to the trooper in a very controlled voice.

BEN: You don't need to see his identification.

TROOPER: We don't need to see his identification.

BEN: These are not the droids you're looking for.

TROOPER: These are not the droids we're looking for.

BEN: He can go about his business.

TROOPER: You can go about your business.

BEN (to Luke): Move along.

TROOPER: Move along. Move Along.

--Lucas, George. Star Wars, The Screenplay (Premiere Magazine Movie Script Library). Monterey Park (CA): O.S.P. Publishing, 1994. Pp. 49-50.

PS - Princess Lea has a new book out, based on her Spalding Grey-like one-woman monologue autobiography show. Wishful Drinking is getting good reviews. Oh, and “So Lonely” by Jakatta is trancy; now playing on iTunes.

Excellent Quotes: The New York Times

For years, those of us in the not-for-profit world have been obsessing about how--as the the Boomers' parents pass away-- the world will see the greatest "intergenerational transfer of wealth" ever. This concept has been variously viewed as a source of charitable concern (will it be handled thoughtfully by a notoriously self-centered generation?), as something to make policies about (how heavily should we tax that transfer?), as a philanthropic issue (shouldn't already well-off Boomers create endowments to give back some of their inheritance?), and as an opportunity to score shamelessly huge windfalls (let's get them rich Boomers to endow the 3rd floor bathroom of the Undergraduate Library!).

However, as the often-fascinating Thomas Friedman just noted, it's too late! The real intergenerational transfer of wealth just happened and none of us saw it coming:

"We are all going to have to pay, because this meltdown comes in the context of what has been 'perhaps the greatest wealth transfer since the Bolshevik Revolution in Russia in 1917,' says Michael Mandelbaum, author of Democracy’s Good Name. 'It is not a wealth transfer from rich to poor that the Bush administration will be remembered for. It is a wealth transfer from the future to the present.'

Never has one generation spent so much of its children’s wealth in such a short period of time with so little to show for it as in the Bush years. Under George W. Bush, America has foisted onto future generations a huge financial burden to finance our current tax cuts, wars and now bailouts."-- Friedman, Thomas. "Vote for ( )." New York Times. November 1, 2008.

PS - (Woefully, I forgot to use the word "woefully" when I first published this post.) Friedman--who is prohibited by the Times from endorsing a candidate in print--did manage to sneak in a great hint about the ticket he would be voting for: "Please do not vote for the candidate you most want to have a beer with (unless it’s to get stone cold drunk so you don’t have to think about this mess we’re in)." I think Tommy Boy would enjoy listening to Al Green's "Tired of Being Alone"; now playing on iTunes.

For the Record

I'd like to note, for the record, that it took African Americans just one generation of real freedom to get to the White House.

I was born in the 60's into the race riots in Detroit. Woefully, when my family first moved down to North Carolina, restaurants refused to serve people of color. It was a scandal when coach Dean Smith integrated his beloved and stunningly successful basketball team.

But in 1964 the U.S. had passed the Civil Rights Act. Finally, all Americans were free under the law. Nothing could stop it.

A mere 44 years later, one of the first children of a new generation of freedom, a man who barely squeeked into being a Baby Boomer, is the president-elect.

PS - That is what legal progress gets you: progress. Now we just need to start educating the world's girls, or paying women the same as men, or letting anybody get married, or something. Let's see where that takes us. Oh, and "Senses Working Overtime" by XTC is 1-2-3-4-Fun; now playing on iTunes.

5-4-Fri: Reasons to Be Grateful This Week

This has been a banner week. Many reasons to be grateful. Five, in fact! (Surprise) Here they are in no particular order:

1. Forty-Four - A New President! (Okay, this is actually in some particular order.) Waaaay to go, Nation! What a busy Tuesday.

2. Thirty-Six - Not too huge here in the Colonies but, in the UK, this Wednesday's Guy Fawkes Day is a popular celebration of not blowing up the government in 1605 with, you guesssed it, 36 barrels of gunpowder. Naturally, no one would ever be so frustrated with insane national leadership these days that they'd want to do something drastic. Thank you Mr. President-elect for helping Americans find a more rational way to throw the bums out.

3. One Hundred and Sixteen - The estimable man, founder of The New Yorker, Harold Ross, was born, on Thursday, about a ga-jillion years ago, that's 116 to you, in 1892. His fan-tas-tic magazine, recently, had an inflammatory, ironic cover, mocking the mockers of our new President.

4. Twenty-Eight - People, I know Chapel Hill is a one-horse town (and that horse is Men's Basketball). I know that Roy Williams proved his infinite coolness when he let Obama play pick-up with the Boys in Blue and told Tyler that, "The next President of the United States is open." But the Football Team spanked Georgia Tech 28-7 on Saturday. Niiiice.

5. Seventy-Four - Are you grateful that, as of Sunday, there will be only 74 days until the Monkey Boy is gone, gone, gone? Woefully, there will be ten weeks in which the Bushies can pass all sorts of nutty stuff, install all sorts of nutsy agency staff, and deregulate their heads (psych!) off.

PS - Yes, we did! Oh, and "I Do" by Abra Moore from her album Everything Changed is change I can get behind; now playing on iTunes.

What is Going On? (Rules of Construction)

It has come to iClipse's notice that some people think I am (or should that be "we are" -- I am always confused when talking in the third person) using the word "woefully" too often. This raises a point of order.

This blog has several idiosyncratic rules of construction:

(A) The word "woefully" is used in every posting. The rationale is simple and compelling. Once, an incompetent intern where I work resigned in a huff and sent an all-hands email to her division announcing that "woefully" people were not worth working with and so she was leaving. She, hopefully, will learn to look up the correct meaning of words before mis-using them in the future. Her email, forwarded to me by a colleague, cracked me up. I decided the word needed to be a permanent, recurring part of The Bloguscript. Maybe I will exchange it for another in a year. Maybe I won't. Woefully, you'll have to live with it until then.

(B) Every post ends with a PS. This is why the Post Labels include both "PS" and "P.S." It is my vain hope that one day if you Google "PS" you'll get this blog as the top search result.

(C) The phrase "Oh, and X song by Y band is Complimentary Adjective; now playing on iTunes" is used to end each entry. As a service to the nation, I am compiling my musical recommendations in the right nav.

PS - There may be other commonalities among entries, but you'll have to ferret them out for yourself. Oh, and "The Story" by Brandi Carlile is a great song; now playing on iTunes.

Mocked by Slate

Michael Agger at Slate.com has unknowingly taken a swipe at The Bloguscript. In his 10/1/2008 posting, "Blogging for Dollars," he wrote:

"Once a blog hobbyist goes pro, he or she faces a daily pressure to churn out new material. In the wrong mind, that can lead to top-10 lists, recycled ideas, half-baked notions, lots of viral videos, and a general increase in information pollution."

I am sure Michael did not mean to besmirch the idea of 5-4-Fri with that whole "top-10 lists" bitch-slapping. After all, the ideas may not be new, and the posts may feature a lot of links to videos, and, uh, well, durn it I guess Michael is aiming squarely at your favorite end-of-the-weekly goodness. I suggest that you take a stand. Write a stern letter of support for 5-4-Fri to Agger. Boycot the products not to be found at Slate.com's empty store. Refuse to attend Yale.

Or not. Come to think of it, Agger was commenting on a report released by Technorati regarding the massive salaries to be drawn down by bloggers who reach more than 100,000 or more unique visitors each month and who subsequently cash in on Internet advertising. Not really my problem. Here's my solemn vow: I'll keep it real with two weekly posts for all 5 of you and you'll forgive the demi-Top Ten lists. After all, woefully, blogs are dead.

Glad we cleared that up.

PS - It is fun to track the virtual non-readership of this blog on Sitemeter--you can see the little icon at the bottom of the page. I can tell how many people visited, from where, and when. The stats are laughably small. Seriously, a vertical axis of 10? Oh, and "Concrete Sky" by Beth Orton is listenable; now playing on iTunes.

Excellent Quotes: The Argonautica

In 1911 publisher James Loeb founded the Loeb Classical Library, setting out "to make the beauty and learning, the philosophy and wit of the great writers of ancient Greece and Rome once more accessible by means of translations that are in themselves real pieces of literature, a thing to be read for the pure joy of it, and not dull transcripts of ideas that suggest in every line the existence of a finer original form from which the average reader is shut out, and to place side by side with these translations the best critical texts of the original works...." According to Wikipedia, the library's volumes provide important works of ancient Greek and Latin Literature in a way designed to make the text accessible to the broadest possible audience, by presenting the original Greek or Latin text on each left-hand leaf, and a fairly literal translation on the facing page.

Today, Harvard University Press hosts the series and on a trip to the People's Republic of Cambridge I dropped by their store and purchased the first volume, Argonautica, by Apollonius Rhodius. It is in the classic green cover (green for Greek, red for Roman/Latin) and, as is not surprising, tells the tale of the Argonauts as interpreted by Apollonius, who so impressed the people of Rhodes that they conferred upon him the freedom of their city--take that, Alexandria.

"Hereupon Jason snatched the golden fleece from the oak, at the maiden's bidding; and she, standing firm, smeared with the charm of the monster's head, till Jason himself bade her turn back towards their ship, and she left the grove of Ares, dusky with shade. And as a maiden catches on her finely wrought robe the gleam of the moon at the full, as it rises above her high-roofed chamber; and her heart rejoices as she beholds the fair ray; so at that time did Jason uplift the mighty fleece in his hands; and from the shimmering of the flocks of wool there settled on his fair cheeks and brow a red flush like a flame." -- Apollonius Rhodes, Argonautica, R.C. Seaton, trans. Cambridge (MA): Harvard University Press, 2003. P. 305.

PS - Unlike my friend Paula, I am woefully ancient language-illiterate so this series is neigh unto useless to me. Moreover, better translations usually exist so I only own the one volume. Oh, and "The Commander Thinks Aloud" by The Long Winters is solid; now playing on iTunes.

5-4-Fri: Mystery Protagonists

Western civilization has produced many fine things, from the computer to Ingrid Bergman, but its pinnacle may well be the existence of a small cast of extraordinarily interesting fictional detectives. And here you were thinking indoor plumbing.

Mind you, this week’s list includes only characters from novels--yes, there will one day be a 5-4-Fri list that features movies--and these protagonists are exclusively men even though many great female detectives are out there tracking down the killer.

1. Sherlock Holmes -- perhaps not the verrry first but the verrry best. He lives in period London; he invents the deductive method; he endearingly condescends to his sidekick, Dr. Watson; he does more coke than La Lohan; he rules. Check him out in his first appearance in A Study in Scarlet. Thanks, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

2. Jonathan Argyll -- a British ex-pat living in Italy beguiled by its art; its culture; his beautiful sidekick, the charmingly stern Flavia di Stefano; and generally everything continental except its art thieves, whom he dispatches with dispatch. Read The Raphael Affair. Thanks Ian Pears.

3. Sonchai Jitpleecheep -- Son of a steel magnolia whore; adoptive son of the bottomlessly and cheerfully corrupt Chief Vikorn; mentor to a sweet, sassy katooey side-kick; narrator extraordinaire; Sonchai is the light of the Royal Thai Police Force and someone you want to get to know. Go to your local library and check out Bangock 8. Thanks, John Burdett.

4. Adam Dalgliesh -- He’s a sensitive gentleman; a poet; a fierce analyst; and the prototypical modern British detective. The ladies love him and so will you. Try cracking open Cover Her Face. Thanks PD James.

5. - Michael Padillo and “Mac” McCorkle -- Dude. You owe this to yourself. Meet these two DC pals who hang out at Mac’s place, when they are not missing/presumed dead for several books; treat everything with the contempt it richly deserves; booze it up with Dickensian ex-CIA operatives; and solve problems only the US “intelligence” industry can foster. Try Twilight at Mac’s Place. Thanks Ross Thomas.

PS - Woefully, I was forced to exclude the infinitely compelling George Smiley because I think he fits a thriller list better--although a case can be made that John Le Carre invented his own genre. Oh, and "All Mixed Up" by Red House Painters is mysteriously catchy; now playing on iTunes.

Excellent Quotes: Say Uncle

This past week I attended the inaugural reading of the Poet Laureate, Kay Ryan. She is my favorite living poet and she turns out to be a funny, funny human as well as a master craftsman. During her reading, Ryan included, "That Will to Divest":

"Action creates
a taste
for itself.
Meaning: once
you've swept
the shelves
of spoons
and plates
you kept
for guests,
it gets harder
not to also
simplify the larder,
not to dismiss
rooms, not to
divest yourself
of all the chairs
but one, not
to test what
singleness can bear,
once you've begun."
--Ryan, Kay. Say Uncle. New York (NY): Grove/Atlantic, Inc., 2000. P. 17.

PS - I opened the door to the Madison Building for Ryan as she was on her way in to the event; woefully, she didn't recognize me, the Middle Manager Laureate. Oh, and Rybyn Hitchcock's "Underground Sun" is fun; now playing on iTunes.

5-4-Fri: Online Dance Videos

This week you are rewarded for your loyal readership with five engaging dances, available through the tubes of the Web:

1. David Elsewhere - This is the greatest thing I think I have ever seen on the Internets. David is the second act to perform and he is not from Santa Anna, he is from the future: a beautiful, beautiful future.
2. Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center - Some 1,500 prisoners recreate the awesome Michael Jackson video, "Thriller." Who cares how this got made, it is spectacular.
3. Benny Lava - New rule: don't swim or watch this within an hour of eating or your stomach will hurt. Someone translated what they think people are actually saying in Bollywood musicals.
4. Where the Hell is Matt - Endearingly goofy dude does awesome dance for no reason; almost a pure thing from one of the first modern global citizens. (Note: select "view in high quality")
5. Christopher Walken - Fatboy Slim convinced Walken to work it on the video to his "Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars." Dude (serious pause) enjoy.

PS - Woefully, I cannot dance as well as any of the above-mentioned folks. Oh, and "Rock and Roll (Could Never Hip Hop Like This)" by Handsome Boy Modeling School is eminently danceable; now playing on iTunes.

5-4-Fri: Fantasy Series

If you are like me, and you aren’t, when you were a teen you didn’t have to furtively search the used book stores of major cities for dogeared copies of There and Back Again like your elders--you simply rode the wave of America’s fantasy novel explosion. Okay, there was a downside to reading fantasy: no girlfriend (or was that the headgear?), no respect, and no more money for comics anymore bacause these books went down like a cool bottle of Mountain Dew on a hot summer day and you had to own all of them, right.

Here are five series that I enjoyed at various ages:

1. The Prydain Chronicles -- Lloyd Alexander’s classic Welsh mythology about Taran Wanderer coming into manhood during a time of threat and darkness. What elementary schooler doesn’t love an oracle piggie?!

2. The Shanara Series -- With cringe-inducing titles (Sword of Shanara, Elfstones of Shanara and Wishsong of Shanara), Terry Brooks follows the adventures of three generations of Ohmsfords--Shea, Wil and Brin--as they face doom at the side of the wise and powerful Allanon. Teenage goodness.

3. Incarnations of Immortality -- the somewhat sexist but hilarious Piers Anthony is the Steven King of fantasy (sorry, Uncle Stevie, The Dark Tower didn’t cut it). Among his series are this one that posits the notion that our anthropomorphic icons--Mother Earth, Father Time, Death--are real job titles. Sometimes, folks get tricked into taking the job. When you discover girls it’s time to discover Piers Anthony.

4. Lord of the Rings -- As I got older I understood these masterpieces more thoroughly. It’s as if Jo Rowling wrote The Sorcerer’s Stone and then pulled a Melville and veered off into creating her own shadowy meta-narrative on Northern European mythology and providing a critique of WWII. You know them. You love them. Time to re-read them, which I did as the recent movies came out. ‘Nuff said.

5. Dresden Files -- Lately, I have been enjoying the exploits of Harry Dresden, Wizard. A sad sack denizen of Chicago, Harry plays detective, fumbles with the ladies, unwinds his personal history, and fends off the unwanted repercussions of having a hot fairy godmother while sharing the couch with his dog-sized cat (and then also with his adoptive dog). Get a case, get beat up, pull everyone’s bacon from the fire, nurse your wounds with a pint of "Mac" McAnally’s homemade beer--lather, rinse, repeat.

PS - Woefully, I have to recommend the cliched path of starting each series with the first novel. In order: The Book of Three, Sword of Shanara, On A Pale Horse, The Fellowship of the Ring, and Storm Front. Oh, and "American Girls" by Counting Crows is great to read by; now playing on iTunes.

Secret Ingredient

I recently made a mix for a tape club I belong to--you make a mix tape on your month and send it out to other folks. The rest of the year, they send you their best music each month. I have gotten to know some cool bands this way and purchased their albums and even learned how to play some of their songs. The industry doesn't get it. Deeply doesn't get it.

I decided to make a concept mix tape called, The Secret Ingredient. I recommend these songs to you (complete with the liner notes from the mix tape):

Intro
What is the secret ingredient that makes songs into loveable brothers and sisters? A special adjective in the lyrics? The same producer? Length? Kevin Bacon? Listen and learn. Tunes are presented in chronological order for maximum obfuscation and to remind some of us how old we are.

1970 Sweet Jane
The Velvet Underground’s Loaded is an amazing album. I wanted my band to play this song but “Femme Fatale”—from their album with Nico—was a better fit so that’s the one we perform. Bonus note: my old guitar teacher told me that my life had not earned me the right to play “Sweet Jane.”

1975 Born to Run
Okay, Bruce Springsteen is an obsessive genius. I was mesmerized by the video about the making of Born to Run. This was the unofficial song of my high school cross-country team, which won six consecutive state championships no thanks to me. I think Bruuuce might have gotten a letter jacket out of the deal, though.

1977 Mr. Blue Sky
All ELO albums remind me of hanging out at my next-door neighbor Eric’s house, but Out of the Blue was the massive double-album that we just wore out—back when music media was wear-out-able. Can you hear the Beatles changing everything? Eric was the very first friend I made in Chapel Hill. He had excellent taste in music and is now an accomplished guitarist.

1980 And Through the Wire
Unlike Haircut 100’s eponymous album, Peter Gabriel’s Peter Gabriel was an awesome experience. Thank goodness he left Genesis and struck out on his own. This is not true for Sting, his fellow Englishman.

1980 Once in a Lifetime
Did Remain in Light change your life? No? Get in a time machine and go back and be 15 years old and try that answer again, mister. “Once in a Lifetime” is one of my all-time favorite songs by the Talking Heads – or by anyone for that matter. (Sometimes I think about how funny it would have been if Lloyd Dobler had played this for Diane Court on the boom box.)

1982 New Frontier
My youngest brother played the drums for a while and got interested in some cool jazzy bands. One day The Nightfly showed up (in cassette tape form, I think!) in his bedroom. I exercised temporary primo geniture and listened to it for a good long while. “New Frontier” seems to me to be a signature Donald Fagan sound. I have always felt fondly toward this man but that may be influenced by the fact that one of my best friends named her cat Steely Dan.

1983 Every Day I Write the Book
I recently got a bit peevish with my bandmates when they did not agree that Elvis Costello was the greatest lyric writer of the Rock and Roll era. Seriously. And none of that Best of Elvis stuff; go out and get a copy of Punch the Clock.

1984 The Unforgettable Fire
Can’t recall which album “The Unforgettable Fire” is from? Just remember that it is the title track from the album of the same name. U2 has, in fact, named three of their albums after songs. Dude, once in High School I went to an away meet for track and field instead of going to a concert being held by this new band headed by a guy named Bono Vox. In retrospect, the small red ribbon for third place just seems like a haunting reminder that I am a monkey in running shoes.

1989 Merely a Man
XTC. Need I say more? Sweet Betty Ford, these men are geniuses. Random fact: the album name, Oranges & Lemons, comes from a previous song lyric that comes from an English nursery rhyme. Not my ab-fab product by this Swindon band – that’d be the entire album, Skylarking – but this song is excellent and it fits.

1989 Hey Ladies
Remember when everyone thought that the Beastie Boys had fallen into the classic sophomore slump with the release of Paul’s Boutique? I myself was not a huge fan of the album originally. Now I see the error of my ways. When I was a boy I listened as a boy.

1990 Graveyard Shift
I never did get to see Uncle Tupelo live. They had broken up and become Son Volt and Wilco by the time I had heard of them. I deeply envy people who got to hear alt-county being established as they toured to promote the seminal No Depression. Missing them makes me want to open up a whisky bottle and walk out the screen door and wonder if I have a life worth livin’.

1994 Circus Envy
My favorite band is R.E.M. Let me say that again. My favorite band is R.E.M. Their 9th album, Monster, was reviled even by hardcore fans but I L.O.V.E. it. It rocks. And, in retrospect, the greatest American band would subsequently semi-blow until this year’s stunning return to form with Accelerate. Oh, and you should know that my favorite band is R.E.M.

1995 Drown
Hey, remember way back when I told you about how I missed that whole Uncle Tupelo scene? Well the birth of Son Volt is the anodyne for that pain. Trace is a phenomenal album. It might even be a Phnom-Penh-al album. Me lovvie.

1996 Free to Decide
Such a big voice for such a small lassie! The Cranberries’ To the Faithful Departed is just a great album and is home to my favorite song by them: “Forever Yellow Skies.” That is not on this mix. Sorry.

2000 Weapon of Choice
This song is included here for many reasons. One, Fatboy Slim is one mean musical mofo. Two, Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars is really something you should listen to more regularly. Three, Bootsy baby! Four, it is a big but obtuse hint as to the secret ingredient that makes a mix tape tasty.

2001 Short Skirt/ Long Jacket
Take that David E. Kelley! Do you think this song has been driving Harrison Ford crazy for years? This is the big hit from Cake’s Comfort Eagle. Damn fine base line. I personally do not know people who want a white Chrysler Lebaron, and I do not want to know these people, but I love that line.

2005 Bigger Than Me
Let’s see. Last FM begat Tegan and Sara. Tegan and Sara begat hours and absolutely hours of listening to The Con. Then the sun begat it becoming a melted CD on my friend’s dashboard. Then Letterman begat Bell X1. Bell X1 begat the album, Flock, which begat this song, which begat the whole idea of a concept mix tape. And it was good.

PS - Can you guess the secret ingredient? Hint: check the post labels. Oh, and "Dark Come Soon" by Tegan and Sara is guh-hood, so guh-hood; now playing on iTunes.

Excellent Quotes: Pattern Recognition

William Gibson is The Man. I was unprepared for Neuromancer, which was utterly engrossing, and I have absolutely loved everything I have read by him since. He was like a cyberpunk gateway drug steering me toward Haruki Murakami and Neil Stephenson but he remains a unique leading voice. Hey, anyone who says that "Earth is the alien planet now" and who re-wrote science fiction on a typewriter is okay by me.

In his excellent Pattern Recognition, Gibson's protagonist Cayce Pollard is a design consultant who is actually physically allergic to bad aesthetics. On a trip to London Cayce goes to Harvey Nichols and, unpreparedly encountering a Tommy Hilfiger display in the menswear department, she gets sick:

"My God, don't they know? This stuff is simulacra of simulacra. A diluted tincture of Ralph Lauren, who had himself diluted the glory days of Brooks Brothers, who themselves had stepped on the product of Jermyn Street and Savile Row, flavoring their ready-to-wear with liberal lashings of polo knit and regimental stripes. But Tommy surely is the null point, the black hole. There must be some Tommy Hilfiger event horizon, beyond which it is impossible to be more derivative, more removed from the source, more devoid of soul. Or so she hopes, and doesn't know, but suspects in her heart that this in fact is what accounts for his long ubiquity."
--Gibson, William. Pattern Recognition. New York (NY): G. P. Putnam's Sons, 2003. Pp. 17-18.

As a bonus, here is another fetching quote from the opening page of the same book as Cayce arrives in the U.K. from New York: "She knows, now, absolutely, hearing the white noise that is London, that Damien's theory of jet lag is correct: that her mortal soul is leagues behind her, being reeled in on some ghostly umbilical down the vanished wake of the plane that brought her here, hundreds of thousands of feet above the Atlantic. Souls can't move that quickly, and are left behind, and must be awaited, upon arrival, like lost luggage." Two quotes, I know--woeful lack of discipline.

PS - My mom has some Cayce in her. She used to take the art in hotel rooms down and place it in the closet while she stayed to avoid visual discomfort and soul-strain. Oh, and I am seriously considering learning how to play "I Am Not the Only Cowboy" by the Josh Joplin Group; now playing on iTunes.

Facebook Lexicon

I've noticed that the classic Facebook status update is creating a grammatical legacy. Originally, the status bar only allowed you to add information about yourself after the fixed construction "Your Name is:". (Information such as how you were enjoying a delicious hoagie or that you were rejoicing that the Heels just scored or that you were, at midnight, ready for a lie-down.) Forgetting the need of your social network to know your every move, many people simply treat the "is" more as a jumping off point than as a present tense verb with any implications for the words that follow.

For example, just yesterday mi amigo Zain posted that she "is tra-la-la." Another friend says she "is you wouldn't like me when I'm angry." It has become somewhat hip to simply ignore Facebook's forced sentence construction and go for it. In fact, Facebook--never far behind its facebookers--now even lets you delete the once-obligatory "is" (although it still discreetly suggests it, like a butler hoping that the young gentleman is not going out in public wearing just his undershirt as a top).

It seems to me to be its own example of language evolution, analogous to a form of functional shifting; some moral equivalent of turning Google into a verb, such as "I googled that hottie."

In any case, when I obsessively check on the statuses of my own friendses I am reminded of the awesomely woeful '80s fashion of storytelling. Remember how everyone used to say, "She was like, 'no way,' and I was like 'yes way' and then she was like 'nuh uh!' and I was all like, 'YUH huh!' and then Bruce was like, 'Dude, its true.'" Those were, like, the days.

PS - In fact, I think the Facebook status update should force you to relive the '80s. "iClipse is like: this coke is tasty." Oh, and "I Gotta Move" by Ben Kweller is catchy like the herps; now playing on iTunes.

5-4-Fri: Mixed Drinks

Well, if it's Friday somewhere I should eventually probably do a happy hour-oriented 5-4-Fri. Usually I provide just a quick publishing citation or a short provenance, something tres brief; this time I'll include more robust info--the actual recipes. Without further ado, please to enjoy five delicious mixed drinks:

1. Sidecar--this is the litmus test for a bar. Many is the time I have asked some woefully talentless hottie or some barkeep poser to make this deco classic only to be met with a blank stare worthy of Sarah Palin. RECIPE = 2 oz brandy; 1/2 oz triple sec; 1 oz lemon juice; mix, shake, strain.
2. Dark and Stormy--new to me and fan-tas-tic. Thanks to my pal and bartender extraodinare, Damon. RECIPE = 2 oz Black Seal Dark Rum; Ginger Beer; serve over ice.
3. Black Crush--Introduced to me on a "We're Turning 40 and Going to Vegas! But What Happens in Vegas Need Not Stay in Vegas 'Cause We're Too Damn Old To Get Up To Much" trip with the fellas. Patent-pending by the Bellagio, which sells this stuff like hotcakes. RECIPE = muddle 3 blackberries with fresh mint; 2 oz rasberry-infused vodka; dash sour mix; two dashes Frothee; mix, shake, strain; float club soda on top and garnish with mint sprig.
4. Jack and Coke--My standard. The best. And it used to be that the thick and delicious irony of JD coming from a dry county in TN was a special bonus. Like this Lynchburg liquor so much I roomed with a Moore County native. RECIPE = Put some Jack in some coke.
5. Whiskey Rickey--Find the speakeasy HummingbirdtoMars and order this. Who cares if you can only afford it with a $700 billion line of credit from the feds; it's worth it. RECIPE = 1 1/2 oz whiskey; 1/2 oz lime juice; 1 tsp simple syrup; club soda; lime wedge; serve over ice.

PS - As far as we can tell, my brother and I invented a drink called The Austin, which includes 3 oz lime mix (2 parts sweet lime juice, 1 part unsweet lime juice; 1 part water); 1 1/2 oz gin; 1/2 oz triple sec. It's named in honor of the now-dead-to-me Austin Grill (alright, maybe I still go there every Sunday like clockwork but someday a real rain is coming), which just went corporate but which was once an oasis of Tex-Mex goodness in Ye Olde Towne. The LBJ was the Best. Rita. Ever. Oh, and "Rocky Took a Lover" by Bell X1 is grrrreat; now playing on el iTunes.

Blogiquette

Okay, so I need to admit that last weekend I was technically at the beach and put up on the Internets a not-fully-baked 5-4-Fri blog post on "Great Album Liner Notes." Any number of my surf-going compatriots were either bloggers, avid blog readers, or actual how-to-blog instructors. Apparently, half-assed blog entries are a woeful no-no--even if you fully plan to finish them later. Who knew? Many apologies to my legion readers. Shall it happen again? No, it shan't.

PS - Thanks for dragging my half-ass back to dry land, Katie. The fantabulous "Orange Wedge" by the Chemical Brothers is dedicated to you; now playing on iTunes.

5-4-Fri: Great Album Liner Notes

This week it's time for--ta-duh!--five great sets of album liner notes. I am a beeg fan of learning more about how a song got developed or where or whatnot. It gets my goat when you buy an album and you don't even get the lyrics. Props to Michelle Shocked for even listing the key of the songs on her Short, Sharp, Shocked.

So, I asked one of most knowledgable music friends, Steve, to recommend a handful of his fave liner notes:

1. Girlfriend: Deluxe Edition, Matthew Sweet. Athens (GA): Volcano. 2006. Liner notes by Bud Scoppa.
2. Live at Leeds: Deluxe Edition, The Who. Santa Monica (CA): MCA/Geffen. 2001. Liner notes by Mike Shaw, Shel Talmy and Andy Neill.
3. Loaded: Fully Loaded, The Velvet Underground. New York (NY): Atlantic/WEA. 1997. Liner notes by David Fricke.
4. No Direction Home: The Soundtrack, Bob Dylan. New York (NY): Columbia/Legacy. 2005. Liner notes by Andrew Loog Oldham and Al Kooper.
5. First Rays of the New Rising Sun, Jimi Hendrix. Seattle (WA): Experience Hendrix. 1997. Liner notes by John McDermott.

PS - I am not necessarily one of those people who mourns the woeful loss of vinyl and all that space for album art and liner notes. I think CDs have shown some pretty cool visuals and those little insert booklets actually make for even more liner space. Oh, and "Caring is Creepy" by The Shins, made famous by the Garden State soundtrack, is suh-weeet; now playing on iTunes.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

Remember the writer's strike? David Letterman's beard. Endless "reality tv" repeats. Public worries that the next season of "Two and a Half Men" might be delayed. Good times.

How did I cope? I read books, dog. How did Joss Whedon cope? Hilariously.

Imagine being rich and having funny actor friends and access to world-class video equipment. Now imagine none of you can work for current production. Now imagine what a great chance it would be to go down to the basement and make a three-part Web-based musical mini-series about an evil genius trying to gain entry into the exclusive Evil League of Evil but not entirely succeeding. (Perhaps partly because, woefully, his henchmen sport dastardly powers like having unnaturally moist hands.)

I know! Such a great idea. And the end results are stunningly clever.

PS - How, how, how is "Two and a Half Men" so popular?! (Top 10 show; 9.2 million dumass viewers weekly.) Still, Chuckles gave us "Big Bang Theory." All is forgiven. Oh, and "Debaser" by The Pixies rocks, now playing on iTunes.

The Illustrated Man

Coming home from work on Friday I realized that I could tell a story about everything I was wearing:

SHIRT - I hold a dinner party every 5 years whether I want to or not. My last one was an insane Mole Turkey fest that took 12 straight hours of cooking. Thank you Rick Bayless! It was yummy but I have had to take the past 4 years off just to recover. One day in San Fran off Union Square at the Kenneth Cole shop I found a shirt that looks just like a shimmering panfull of mole sauce. Currently the pride of the wardrobe.

TEE SHIRT - Sounds creepy, but some time after my Dad died I took like all his undershirts home with me. Hey, we’ve got Scottish blood in us; it honestly would have pleased him to know that someone was getting the value out of them. And I will not have to buy undershirts for, oh, say, 10 years.

PANTS - Sporting my Luckies -- a brand I had never heard of since I am so woefully old (are there options other than Levis, Wranglers, and Toughskins?) but that my pal Nancy put me into in Denver at the Cherry Creek Mall. We were on a work trip that turned into a ski resort vacation and I needed to replace some woooorn out jeans from the 90s. I hard core pretended to be from the deep South at the information desk at the Mall. Heh. I am always slightly scandalized --and faintly depressed to be the only one reading it--by the phrase “Lucky You” sewn into the zipper when you open them.

SHOES - On a recent trip to LA, I actually went to Rodeo Drive. Many of the staff in the stores made me feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, but the nice people at Cole Hahn sold me a ‘spensive pair of sweet kicks that I like to wear on Casual Friday because who the hell knows how to dress on Casual Friday? So I abuse the system by wearing jeans but then add a pair of shoes only Steve Martin could really afford and double-dog dare anyone to think it’s too cash.

SOCKS - Seriously, I have a sock story, too. Sorry. One day I was getting dressed for work and my only pair of clean socks had a humongous hole in the toe. So, when I got to work I took a lunch break at Filene’s Basement and went all kinds of nutty and purchased a pair of argyle socks. Now, then, aren’t you glad you heard that?

WATCH - In graduate school my girlfriend gave me a very well-designed Swatch for my birthday. Well, it broke eventually and so on a trip to NYC I dropped by the Times Square store and picked up this fairly cool see-through watch with one of those swiveling arms that keeps the thing wound up as you walk around.

GLASSES - I have a great friend who hated my old George Bush, Senior glasses and while I was on a trip to Manhattan to visit her we went to work out and as we were heading to the gym she said, “Leave your glasses on the table, you will never be wearing them ever again.” On the way, we stopped into Hour Eyes and she and a gaggle of ladies pored over me saying stuff like “No, his face is way to long to pull those off” and “He’d need cheekbones to get away with those.” Eventually, we settled on a hep new pair of Armanis and they were custom cut to my leagally-blind prescription while we sweated away on some exercise bike staring out the window at latte-drinking Gothamites busily headed about their day. Later, as I took possession of what amounted to major debt on my nonprofit salary, she said, “And don’t wait ten years to replace them next time!” So I didn’t. These new Ray Ban specs are proof that I listened. They show off my double chin nicely.

PS - The underwear have no story. Look, not everything can be intentional. It is fun to care about where you get stuff and to have a story for your belongings but it leaves you woefully exposed to pomposity and to collecting way too may event-specific tee shirts. (As my buddy Anne said when I asked what I should keep in mind to better dress for the ladies, “Tee shirts should be for the gym.”) Oh, and “The Littlest Birds” by The Be Good Tanyas is engaging; now playing on iTunes.

Excellent Quotes: The Character of Physical Law

Okay, here’s another quotable quote. This time from dearly-departed scientist and speechifier Richard Feynman. He addresses not just the central paradox of quantum mechanics but its scientific import:

(I know you know, but the quantum paradox is that light is both a particle and a wave; you can therefore study a single photon of light and know its position or its momentum but never both. This has been classically addressed--pardon the pun--via an experiment modeled on work by Thomas Young, where “bullets” of light are fired through two slits cut into a solid surface onto a wall beyond. If you look at each particle of light as it travels through the slits you find two stripes of bullets behind on the wall as you might expect; but if you “close your eyes” you find that the bullets have formed a wave-like pattern on the wall beyond the shield--sort of the way water pushed through the slits would spread into peaks and troughs. Freaky.)

“I will take just this one experiment, which has been designed to contain all of the mystery of quantum mechanics, to put you up against the paradoxes and mysteries and peculiarities of nature one hundred percent. Any other situation in quantum mechanics, it turns out, can always be explained by saying, ‘You remember the case of the experiment with the two holes? It is the same thing.’”
--Feynman, Richard. The Character of Physical Law. Cambridge, Mass.: MIT Press, 1965. P. 130.

PS - Dude, I love quantum mechanics. Woefully, I don’t understand jack about it. Sigh. Oh, and the up-and-coming Joshua Morrison’s “Coming Home” is really very nice; now playing on iTunes.

What is Going On? (New Functionality)

Housekeeping alert: Gots some new functionality designed to help, people:

You can get your feed burned and not miss one gripping, seat-of-your-pants, J J Abrams-like post -- new to the top of the right nav.

Also, as a service to the nation, I am posting a chron list of all musicians/songs mentioned in the posts -- Lynn, woefully this does not excuse you from actually reading the posts themselves.

PS -- Perhaps the awesome streaming iGup music service will periodically suggest some new and worthy music. Oh, and -- thanks to that limited-access online radio -- "Dry River" by The Knitters is in my ken; now playing on the iTunes.

5-4-Fri: Natural History Books

As you can see The Bloguscript's "Five for Friday" feature now has a hep new catch phrase: "5-4-Fri." Coming to a tee shirt near you soon.

'Kay, here is this week's list. It's The Five Bestest Natural History Books Ever (Not Counting Literally Tons and Tons of Other Great Natural History Books):

1. Aku-Aku, Thor Heyerdahl. Garden City (NY): International Collector’s Library. 1958.
2.The Flight of the Iguana: A Sidelong View of Science and Nature, David Quammen. NY (NY): Delacorte Press. 1988.
3. A Short History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson. NY (NY): Broadway Books. 2003.
4. Guns, Germs and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies, Jared Diamond. NY (NY): W. W. Norton. 1999.
5. The Pleasure of Finding Things Out: The Best Short Works of Richard P. Feynman. Cambridge (Mass): Helix Books. 1999.

PS - I felt that also including The Song of the Dodo by David Quammen would either make the list "Six for Friday" or, woefully, put two books by the same author on one list, but: You. Must. Read. This. Book. Also, as your lawyer I recommend Quammen's Natural Acts and his Outside magazine columns of the same name. And The Soul of Viktor Tronko. Oh, and The Postal Service’s “Recycled Air” is the goodness; now playing on iTunes.

Excellent Quotes: The Sign of the Four

Sherlock Holmes time, peeps! Sooo many great quotes to choose from. Well, woefully, sometimes you gotta just bite the bullet and go for a classic. After deducing that Dr. Watson has just been to the post office to send a telegram, the celebrated detective reveals his deductive method to his amazed companion:

“Why, of course I knew that you had not written a letter, since I sat opposite to you all the morning. I see also in your open desk there that you have a sheet of stamps and a thick bundle of post-cards. What could you go to the post office for, then, but to send a wire? Eliminate all other factors, and the one which remains must be the truth.”
--Doyle, Arthur Conan. The Sign of the Four. New York: Book-of-the-Month Club. 1994. Pp. 5-6.

PS - The Sign of the Four is the tale in which Watson scores the babilicous Mary Morstan and subsequently gives up his bachelor ways for domestic bliss--something Holmes never considered, even for “the woman.” Oh, and “Stupid Mouth Shut” by Hem is simultaneously perky and gorgeous; now playing on iTunes.

What is Going On? (Program Schedule)

Goals are important. Not the kind of freaky, pointless goals that cause anorexic freaks to require endless Excel spreadsheets and the tracking of ROI minutiae. But the kind that help you decide whether you are going to sleep in or get your butt up and post that next blog entry.

So here’s the goal:

Two entries a week for one year. Then reassess.

And here’s the programming schedule:

SAT-THU -- Post some entry about something (woefully flexible, non?)
FRI -- Post a “5-4-Fri” entry (see supra)
Lather, Rinse, Repeat

PS - One night after, in short order, getting engaged, enrolling in business school, moving to a new city, and starting a new job, my brother--while still sound asleep--sat straight up in bed in the middle of the night and said, “What is going on!?” Oh, and “Staring at the Sun” by TV on the Radio rules; now playing on iTunes. (A great video and best opening band ever.)

Excellent Quotes: Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency

Periodically, I will post a truly excellent quote from some book or movie that has had an outsized influence on me and taken up vital space in the grey matter that could have been used to memorize the multiplication tables or the sequential order of service of the Presidents of the United States or something similarly useful to getting promoted at work. You will read them. You will agree that they are excellent. Or, woefully for you, Carlton will no longer show you up.

And so, submitted for your perusal:

“Tonight, Gordon pushed the maps in his pocket and strolled back toward his car. Standing under the lights in the mist it had gathered a finely beaded coat of matte moisture on it, and looked like--well, it looked like an extremely expensive Mercedes-Benz. Gordon caught himself, just for a millisecond, wishing that he had something like that, but he was now quite adept at fending off that particular line of thought, which only led off in circles and left him feeling depressed and confused.”
--Adams, Douglas. Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, Pp. 59-60. Pocket Books: 1987.

PS - I had initially wanted to do my Master’s thesis on the use of Norse mythology in the sequel to this little-read classic by Douglas Adams--The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul--but when I asked “Wild Bill” Harmon, who was universally acknowledged to be willing to advise on just about any fool project, if he would oversee the effort, he looked at me with the gimlet eye and intoned, “Mister iClipse, the Master’s thesis is not an exercise in self-gratification.” Oh, and “Your Sweet Voice” off Matthew Sweet’s 1991 masterpiece, Girlfriend, is a luscious song that I really must draw your attention to; now playing on iTunes.

Five For Friday: 2007 Movies

This is something I came up with for my secret other blog. Every Friday, I’ll post five semi-related things that might be of interest. Here goes the first list, my condensed and edited version of Stephen King’s “2007: My Top Movies,” Entertainment Weekly, December 14 2007 (Thanks for the B'Day gift, NGG):

No Country for Old Men (#1)
Breach (#4)
Children of Men (#5)
3:10 to Yuma (#7)
In the Valley of Elah (#10)

Put 'em in the Netflix queue, friendo.

PS - While I always like Your Uncle Stevie’s features in EW, woefully I am not so keen on his novels. Funny. Oh, and “Oceans” by the Canadian band Heartbeats Rhythm Quartet is so catchy; now playing on iTunes.

Nine Eleven

Today I did what the man who sends kids to die overseas said when he asked, "Please join me in a moment of silence for those who were lost on September 11, 2001."

I wish Ann Judge and Joe Ferguson were still here. And Karleton Fyfe. And Asia Cottom and Sarah Clark. And Rodney Dickens and James Debeuneure. And Bernard Brown and Hilda Taylor.

A bad, woeful day.

PS - Oh, and out of love and respect for Bruce, and everyone who lost someone, my band does a heartfelt injustice to Springsteen's "My City of Ruins"--a haunting tribute to 9/11; now playing on iTunes. It was the first song we played live. Thanks for bringing it, Mark--means a lot to me.

B-Minus

Like so many white dudes of a certain age, I am in a mid-life-crisis band. After nearly three years of name-wrangling, we are called B-Minus. Sometimes we play at Tiffany Tavern in Ye Olde Towne, Alexandria.

You can drop by on Tuesdays and hope that we will be signed up to play. But, and this is important so pay attention, we play mostly original songs. This means that, woefully, you will not happily sing along to tunes you have ever heard before. This means that you will hear a lot of lyrics about girls we broke up with in the '80s. This means that most people come to hear us once. Then they say, "You all must have such a good time. It's great to see that you have such a good time together. How nice for you." Then they run.

Once they leave, never to return, we sit back down and listen to the other bands. Open mic nights are basically a fully-overlapping Venn Diagram of bands waiting to play, girlfriends and pals of the bands waiting to play, and patient bartenders mentally calculating the Fun-to-Trouble ratio of beer sales and sonic assault.

Here is our last set list. You might hear some of these smash hits if you drop by:

Two (Ryan Adams, Easy Tiger)
Femme Fatale (Velvet Underground, The Velvet Underground & Nico)
Howlin’ Wolf
Come Home Tonight
Ghosts
Della Mae

PS - Okay, okay, sooome of these are covers. But they are awesome covers that fit our slow-ish, roots-and-rock-got-married sound. Oh, and "Untouchable Face" by Ani deFranco is so fantastic that I'd give my eye tooth to have written it or even to be able to convincingly perform it; now playing on iTunes.

Cryptonomicon

Call me crazy, but I am beginning to think that Neal Stephenson is the greatest novelist of his generation. Really. You don't believe me? Perhaps you simply need to read his 1999 masterpiece, Cryptonomicon, of which on I am currently on page 310 of.

The book is as good as Snow Crash, which is saying a lot. Outside of the fact that Stephenson basically invented Second Life--in the freaking Eighties (!)--that book single-handedly paved the way for my friend Nancy to name her cat Hiro. Notwithstanding the awesomeness of Snow Crash, this 918 page, endlessly fascinating doorstop of a novel is riiiight up my mystery-meets-cute-with-quantum-physics sensibility. (On their first date you can tell what restaurant they are at but not where the relationship is going.) My point, and I do have one, is that this man is beeg fat genius. I am seriously considering moving straight on to The Diamond Age--perma-loaned to me by my pal and fellow-traveler in the cannon of the School of Gibson, Lanny--without an intervening palate-cleanser like Meltzer's The Book of Lies (see supra).

Consider just the happy-jitters inducing introductory quote from crypro-legend Alan Turing, who was woefully treated by the Brits for liking boys, "the system on which a message is enciphered corresponds to the laws of the universe, the intercepted messages to the evidence available, the keys for a day or a message to important constants which have to be determined."

One more thing, if you are trying to create an undecipherable message, do not try the old first-letter-of-each-sentence-spells-something-special cypher. Not so hard to break.

PS - Oh, and "The Shankill and The Falls" by alt-country icon Bap Kennedy is lyric and beautiful; now playing on the iTunes. That's why the song is the next one up for my band, B-Minus.

User's Manual for Planet Earth

So, I have this secret other blog. One that says all the cool stuff that I want to say. I have people who write it for me. They are smarter than me. They know more about the planet than me. I don't have to do anything. It's perfect. I think I sort of know what being rich would be like.

It is called My Wonderful World and it tilts straight at the windmill that the United States is woefully underprepared to succeed in a global world. At anything. Check the stats in the little green box. Zoinks!

Geography is like a user's manual for the planet. You. Need. It.

Hey, sign up for the campaign. Tell your friends. Become a fan. Do it.

PS - Thanks, Sarah. And all the others. You rule. Oh, and Jamie Cullum's "All at Sea" is awesome; now playing on iTunes (dude looks like he could be Keene's younger brother).