I was having a conversation with a pal of mine and she suggested that the world really needs a series of reasons why you might be relatively certain that you are not, in fact, a redneck. I like it!
1. If you've ever moved your coffee table around in preparation for a wine and brie party and knocked over a stack of more than 5 back issues of the New Yorker you might not be a redneck.
2. If your 401K lost more than the value of your parent's home last year you might not be a redneck.
3. If the time you actually saw Jeff Foxworthy do this routine it was at a political fundraiser for Lamar Alexander's Senate campaign rather than on the new Sam's Club flat screen TV at Vern's house you might not be a redneck.
4. If you've been on television more than five times describing how your Administration failed to respond to the tornado warnings, you might not be a redneck.
5. If you've ever married your cousin ... and then made her the First Lady of the United States you might not be a redneck.
PS - If you haven't cooked a meal for your family in the past month that didn't include balsamic vinaigrette, edamame, or come from a cookbook with a picture of Tuscany on the cover, you might not be a redneck. Seriously, when she was five, one of my honorary nieces once asked, "Mommy, can I have some more edamame?" Woefully true. Oh, and listening to "Because of Her Beauty" by Karl Denson is un-rednecky; now playing on iTunes.
Posts
One Hundred Thousand Flashbacks
15 years ago
2 comments:
You might not be a redneck, but you might be a yuppie.
Yuppie checklist:
1. Make enough money to have a 401K.
2. Have an extensive vocabulary and write on your blog about brie.
3. Stack New Yorkers prominently on your coffee table.
4. Exhibit knowledge of 80s movies, music, directors, and board games.
5. Admit to having a midlife crisis.
PS-Takes one to know one. Go Heels!
Guilty! Also, goooo Heels!
Post a Comment