5-4-Fri: Cuteness from the Niece & Nephews

Ya know, sometimes kids say the darndest things (TM).

I have recently been proxy parenting and gotten in some hard-core time with the Playskool set. They never, ever stop needing attention; they forget mission-critical instructions, such as "Don't stick a fork into that;" they are capable of a level of self-referential aggrievement at how the behavior of others doesn't bend to their will that rivals Dick Cheney; but, they are smart, cute, and say very funny and endearing things. Hence, this week's list of hee-larious behavior from the kids:

1. After taking the niece and nephews to the book store, getting them each a cookie and hot chocolate, storming around the isles of the Kids' Section, getting everyone their very own book (and some their own bag, please), and taking the scenic route back home with a promise of driving by the kindergarten attended by a favorite cousin, one says to me: "Uncle iClipse, you're a fun guy."

2. Sitting in front of the gas fireplace early in the morning, one turns to me and says, "The fire never runs out of batteries."

3. I was eating lunch on a beach trip vacation this summer when one of the kids clambered up onto the chair next to me and asked, "Whassat?" I replied that I was eating a sandwich with chips and asked if he wanted Frito. "Yes." Do you like Fritos, I asked. "Yes." Fritos are good, I noted. "Yes." Are you having a good time at the beach I asked. "Yes." Do you want to go down to the beach later, I queried. "Yes." Long pause. Then, as he was climbing back down from the table to return to playing with toy cars, he said in parting: "I like talking to you."

4. My next door neighbor was chatting with me across the driveway over the holidays and we were catching up on life when we were treated to the distinct, metallic ping of a piece of gravel winging off the side panel of a car. She spun around on her heel to see her oldest son staring at his grandfather's Subaru with a supremely guilty look on his face. "Did you just throw a rock at Grandpa's car?!," she demanded. "Sorry, Mommy," he said, turning to face us, "My brain and my hand were not talking to each other."

5. A while ago I ran into my old youth group leader walking along the street downtown with her very young daughter in tow. We stopped walking and started talking. After 15 minutes, we heard a loud sigh and both looked down to find her daughter staring into the sky with a long-suffering look on her face, rolling her eyes, and flapping her fingers and thumb together in a "yakety-yak" movement.

PS - My friend just texted to say that over Thanksgiving he is visiting Washington, DC and is on the Metro with his five-year-old who announced to a complete stranger, "Stand back, doors are closing!" Oh, and the slow and morose "I and Love and You" by the Avett Brothers is woefully inappropriate to an upbeat posting about cuteness and kids, but it IS kinda nice; now playing on iTunes.

5-4-Fri: The Beach

There are many, many reasons to lurve the beach; here are five:

1. Hearts. The family obsession is playing the card game, Hearts. You need my brothers and another willing player. We only get to play at family events. This makes the annual beach trip--at which our entire generation gets together--ground zero for Hearts. The secret is in the passing of cards to other players. Play it.

2. Yahtzee. For the younger set -- the 3-10-year-olds -- there is the dice game, Yahtzee. Fantastic fun, especially when the occasional rain storm keeps you inside the house. Chance + strategy. Woo hoo.

3. Dinners. I suggest our family recipe for handling dinner at the beach. Each adult signs up to "own" one night's dinner. You shop, you cook, you serve, you clean up. Then, like magic, the rest of the trip you don't have to do nuthin'. Very, very cool strategy. I always make the same thing: crab cakes, rémoulade sauce, rice, salad, fronch bread, and some veggie, such as carrots or green beans. Yum.

4. Family Photo. There is nothing like the tension-filed process of arranging for the annual family photo. Does everyone look good? Are all the kids actually facing the camera? In which order should everyone sit? Will the piteous and woeful crying ever stop? But, there is nothing like having an annual family portrait, either. So, Uncle iClipse says, arrange for one.

5. Bodysurfing. This is what I would do all the time if I were stinking rich. I don't really understand the obsession with surfboarding when you can just lie down in a wave and scoot along. No paraphernalia necessary. Soooo much fun.

PS - Also, don't forget that there is the beach itself. Walk on it. Take a beverage out to it. Sit under a tent on it. Look at it. Fish in the surf. Etc., Etc. Oh, and "Take Me to the Riot" by Stars is good for listening to on the drive down to the beach; now playing on iTunes.