5-4-Fri: You Might Not Be a Redneck

I was having a conversation with a pal of mine and she suggested that the world really needs a series of reasons why you might be relatively certain that you are not, in fact, a redneck. I like it!

1. If you've ever moved your coffee table around in preparation for a wine and brie party and knocked over a stack of more than 5 back issues of the New Yorker you might not be a redneck.

2. If your 401K lost more than the value of your parent's home last year you might not be a redneck.

3. If the time you actually saw Jeff Foxworthy do this routine it was at a political fundraiser for Lamar Alexander's Senate campaign rather than on the new Sam's Club flat screen TV at Vern's house you might not be a redneck.

4. If you've been on television more than five times describing how your Administration failed to respond to the tornado warnings, you might not be a redneck.

5. If you've ever married your cousin ... and then made her the First Lady of the United States you might not be a redneck.

PS - If you haven't cooked a meal for your family in the past month that didn't include balsamic vinaigrette, edamame, or come from a cookbook with a picture of Tuscany on the cover, you might not be a redneck. Seriously, when she was five, one of my honorary nieces once asked, "Mommy, can I have some more edamame?" Woefully true. Oh, and listening to "Because of Her Beauty" by Karl Denson is un-rednecky; now playing on iTunes.