Excellent Quotes: Ben Franklin on the Turkey

Benjamin Franklin was a talented dude and a prolific letter writer. In 1784 he was "pres Paris" in a hotel in the village of Passy--now a swank Right Bank Paris neighborhood--when he wrote a now-famous letter to his daughter Sarah in which he extolled the virtues of the Turkey relative to America's new national bird, the Bald Eagle:

"For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen as the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly. You may have seen him perch'd on some dead Tree near the River, where, too lazy to fish for himself, he watches the Labour of the Fishing Hawk; and when that diligent Bird has at length taken a Fish, and is bearing it to his Nest for the Support of his Mate and young Ones, the Bald Eagle pursues him and takes it from him. With all this Injustice, he is never in good Case but like those among Men who live by Sharping and Robbing he is generally poor and often very lousy. Besides he is a rank Coward: The little King Bird not bigger than a Sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the District....For in Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America. Eagles have been found in all Countries, but the Turkey was peculiar to ours, the first of the Species seen in Europe being brought to France by the Jesuits from Canada, and serv'd up at the Wedding Table of Charles the ninth. He is besides, tho' a little vain and silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on."-- Franklin, Benjamin. Unpublished correspondence, Jan 26 with Sarah Bache. Passy (France): 1784.

PS - Can you imagine basting the Bald Eagle while putting the finishing touches on the apple pie? On the same day he wrote his letter to Sarah, Franklin received correspondence from John Paul Jones--one note accepting his dinner invitation for the next Friday and the other addressing an article from America criticizing the Order of the Cincinnati, which had among other things recently made fancy-schmancy "Ribbands and Crosses" featuring a Bald Eagle that resembled a Turkey; a request for assistance from Hedoin de Pous-Ludon; and, as far as my woefully miserable French can discern, a letter of introduction for a colleague from Longchamps. Oh, and "Nothing Ever Happens" by The Blake Babies is worthy of your consideration; now playing on iTunes.

5-4-Fri: Thanksgiving Food

Didja have a gosh-darn great Bird-Day? Oh, we did, youbetcha. (Palin translator: "There are 5 stupendiously great foodstuffs that, woefully, you only generally get at Thanksgiving.")

1. Apple Pie - Holy cow, I love me some apple pie. The secret is McIntosh apples. Be-lee-dat!

2. Turkey - I am a dark meat man. Scoff if you like. I will cordially acknowledge that de gustibus non est disputandum and promptly eat your thighs (hmm, that sounded wrong).

3. Black Olives - If you wish to be welcome in my home (and you do) you'll agree that black olives are (a) essential Thanksgiving fare, (b) scrumptious, (c) to be saved for me to eat.

4. Stuffing - It is simple, really. Get Pepperidge Farm stuffing mix in a bag. Add currents, celery, and melted butter. Put into the bird. Do NOT not put the stuffing in the bird. Don't be stupid.

5. Fruit Cup - Daunting. Hard to make. Labor intensive. Delicious. Don't forget the walnuts. Feel free to top with orange sherbert.

PS - Cranberry Sauce alllmost made the list. You can have the "log" (heh) or the homemade (like my Sister-in-law's, yum). Or both. Oh, and "Perfect Circle" by REM is something to be thankful for; now playing on iTunes.

Watch This!

Wired magazine is very interesting. It keeps you up-to-date with trends in technology. I get it periodically (pun intended) at the bookstore when I am ready to be overwhelmed by how woefully far behind the future I am. I learn a lot. It is a commendable and educational magazine.

It does not, however, at first appear to be a source of insanely hilarious videos. Until you find out from your brother about their "Top 10 Amazing Biology Videos" feature on the Wired Science blog.

Go there now. Scroll down to the seventh video, "El Corazón," which is dramatically under-described as "an unusual music video about the heart, in Spanish, with English subtitles."

Watch the whole video. No, its gets better. Keep watching. Wait for it. Wait for it. Oh, yes!, the inevitable reference to the femenina rock super-group, Heart. THAT is solid educational video making.

PS - Wired's Gadget Lab blog is also pretty cool. Oh, and The Cars is an undervalued band. You will never like "My Best Friend's Girl" as much as I do; now playing on iTunes.

Excellent Quotes: Star Wars

Brace yourself. Woefully, there is some slight chance that I am a bit of a nerd. This year, I gave my oldest nephew a copy of the first Star Wars film (now annoyingly referred to as Episode IV: A New Hope) because on my 11th birthday my parents took me to see it in its first theater release. I will not bore you with the extent to which it blew my mind or the subsequent envy of my little brothers or with stories about how my more obsessive friends saw it in the theater more than 10 times. What I will do is share an excellent quote:

EXT TATOOINE - MOS ISLEY - STREET

The speeder is stopped on a crowded street by several combat-hardened stormtroopers who look over the two robots. A Trooper questions Luke.

TROOPER: How long have you had these droids?

LUKE: About three or four seasons.

BEN: They're for sale if you want them.

TROOPER: Let me see your identification.

Luke becomes very nervous as he fumbles to find his ID while Ben speaks to the trooper in a very controlled voice.

BEN: You don't need to see his identification.

TROOPER: We don't need to see his identification.

BEN: These are not the droids you're looking for.

TROOPER: These are not the droids we're looking for.

BEN: He can go about his business.

TROOPER: You can go about your business.

BEN (to Luke): Move along.

TROOPER: Move along. Move Along.

--Lucas, George. Star Wars, The Screenplay (Premiere Magazine Movie Script Library). Monterey Park (CA): O.S.P. Publishing, 1994. Pp. 49-50.

PS - Princess Lea has a new book out, based on her Spalding Grey-like one-woman monologue autobiography show. Wishful Drinking is getting good reviews. Oh, and “So Lonely” by Jakatta is trancy; now playing on iTunes.

Excellent Quotes: The New York Times

For years, those of us in the not-for-profit world have been obsessing about how--as the the Boomers' parents pass away-- the world will see the greatest "intergenerational transfer of wealth" ever. This concept has been variously viewed as a source of charitable concern (will it be handled thoughtfully by a notoriously self-centered generation?), as something to make policies about (how heavily should we tax that transfer?), as a philanthropic issue (shouldn't already well-off Boomers create endowments to give back some of their inheritance?), and as an opportunity to score shamelessly huge windfalls (let's get them rich Boomers to endow the 3rd floor bathroom of the Undergraduate Library!).

However, as the often-fascinating Thomas Friedman just noted, it's too late! The real intergenerational transfer of wealth just happened and none of us saw it coming:

"We are all going to have to pay, because this meltdown comes in the context of what has been 'perhaps the greatest wealth transfer since the Bolshevik Revolution in Russia in 1917,' says Michael Mandelbaum, author of Democracy’s Good Name. 'It is not a wealth transfer from rich to poor that the Bush administration will be remembered for. It is a wealth transfer from the future to the present.'

Never has one generation spent so much of its children’s wealth in such a short period of time with so little to show for it as in the Bush years. Under George W. Bush, America has foisted onto future generations a huge financial burden to finance our current tax cuts, wars and now bailouts."-- Friedman, Thomas. "Vote for ( )." New York Times. November 1, 2008.

PS - (Woefully, I forgot to use the word "woefully" when I first published this post.) Friedman--who is prohibited by the Times from endorsing a candidate in print--did manage to sneak in a great hint about the ticket he would be voting for: "Please do not vote for the candidate you most want to have a beer with (unless it’s to get stone cold drunk so you don’t have to think about this mess we’re in)." I think Tommy Boy would enjoy listening to Al Green's "Tired of Being Alone"; now playing on iTunes.

For the Record

I'd like to note, for the record, that it took African Americans just one generation of real freedom to get to the White House.

I was born in the 60's into the race riots in Detroit. Woefully, when my family first moved down to North Carolina, restaurants refused to serve people of color. It was a scandal when coach Dean Smith integrated his beloved and stunningly successful basketball team.

But in 1964 the U.S. had passed the Civil Rights Act. Finally, all Americans were free under the law. Nothing could stop it.

A mere 44 years later, one of the first children of a new generation of freedom, a man who barely squeeked into being a Baby Boomer, is the president-elect.

PS - That is what legal progress gets you: progress. Now we just need to start educating the world's girls, or paying women the same as men, or letting anybody get married, or something. Let's see where that takes us. Oh, and "Senses Working Overtime" by XTC is 1-2-3-4-Fun; now playing on iTunes.

5-4-Fri: Reasons to Be Grateful This Week

This has been a banner week. Many reasons to be grateful. Five, in fact! (Surprise) Here they are in no particular order:

1. Forty-Four - A New President! (Okay, this is actually in some particular order.) Waaaay to go, Nation! What a busy Tuesday.

2. Thirty-Six - Not too huge here in the Colonies but, in the UK, this Wednesday's Guy Fawkes Day is a popular celebration of not blowing up the government in 1605 with, you guesssed it, 36 barrels of gunpowder. Naturally, no one would ever be so frustrated with insane national leadership these days that they'd want to do something drastic. Thank you Mr. President-elect for helping Americans find a more rational way to throw the bums out.

3. One Hundred and Sixteen - The estimable man, founder of The New Yorker, Harold Ross, was born, on Thursday, about a ga-jillion years ago, that's 116 to you, in 1892. His fan-tas-tic magazine, recently, had an inflammatory, ironic cover, mocking the mockers of our new President.

4. Twenty-Eight - People, I know Chapel Hill is a one-horse town (and that horse is Men's Basketball). I know that Roy Williams proved his infinite coolness when he let Obama play pick-up with the Boys in Blue and told Tyler that, "The next President of the United States is open." But the Football Team spanked Georgia Tech 28-7 on Saturday. Niiiice.

5. Seventy-Four - Are you grateful that, as of Sunday, there will be only 74 days until the Monkey Boy is gone, gone, gone? Woefully, there will be ten weeks in which the Bushies can pass all sorts of nutty stuff, install all sorts of nutsy agency staff, and deregulate their heads (psych!) off.

PS - Yes, we did! Oh, and "I Do" by Abra Moore from her album Everything Changed is change I can get behind; now playing on iTunes.

What is Going On? (Rules of Construction)

It has come to iClipse's notice that some people think I am (or should that be "we are" -- I am always confused when talking in the third person) using the word "woefully" too often. This raises a point of order.

This blog has several idiosyncratic rules of construction:

(A) The word "woefully" is used in every posting. The rationale is simple and compelling. Once, an incompetent intern where I work resigned in a huff and sent an all-hands email to her division announcing that "woefully" people were not worth working with and so she was leaving. She, hopefully, will learn to look up the correct meaning of words before mis-using them in the future. Her email, forwarded to me by a colleague, cracked me up. I decided the word needed to be a permanent, recurring part of The Bloguscript. Maybe I will exchange it for another in a year. Maybe I won't. Woefully, you'll have to live with it until then.

(B) Every post ends with a PS. This is why the Post Labels include both "PS" and "P.S." It is my vain hope that one day if you Google "PS" you'll get this blog as the top search result.

(C) The phrase "Oh, and X song by Y band is Complimentary Adjective; now playing on iTunes" is used to end each entry. As a service to the nation, I am compiling my musical recommendations in the right nav.

PS - There may be other commonalities among entries, but you'll have to ferret them out for yourself. Oh, and "The Story" by Brandi Carlile is a great song; now playing on iTunes.

Mocked by Slate

Michael Agger at Slate.com has unknowingly taken a swipe at The Bloguscript. In his 10/1/2008 posting, "Blogging for Dollars," he wrote:

"Once a blog hobbyist goes pro, he or she faces a daily pressure to churn out new material. In the wrong mind, that can lead to top-10 lists, recycled ideas, half-baked notions, lots of viral videos, and a general increase in information pollution."

I am sure Michael did not mean to besmirch the idea of 5-4-Fri with that whole "top-10 lists" bitch-slapping. After all, the ideas may not be new, and the posts may feature a lot of links to videos, and, uh, well, durn it I guess Michael is aiming squarely at your favorite end-of-the-weekly goodness. I suggest that you take a stand. Write a stern letter of support for 5-4-Fri to Agger. Boycot the products not to be found at Slate.com's empty store. Refuse to attend Yale.

Or not. Come to think of it, Agger was commenting on a report released by Technorati regarding the massive salaries to be drawn down by bloggers who reach more than 100,000 or more unique visitors each month and who subsequently cash in on Internet advertising. Not really my problem. Here's my solemn vow: I'll keep it real with two weekly posts for all 5 of you and you'll forgive the demi-Top Ten lists. After all, woefully, blogs are dead.

Glad we cleared that up.

PS - It is fun to track the virtual non-readership of this blog on Sitemeter--you can see the little icon at the bottom of the page. I can tell how many people visited, from where, and when. The stats are laughably small. Seriously, a vertical axis of 10? Oh, and "Concrete Sky" by Beth Orton is listenable; now playing on iTunes.